Adrift
This war left me scarred and broken. It left me torn and unfixable. My comrades, whom have grown to be my new family, have died beside me as gunshots fire everywhere at any given point of the day. We were slowly surrounded and there was no hope to live because we were trapped. My thoughts led me to the worst, and not knowing whether to live by comrades or grovel in my own demise, I felt the heavy weight of the gun in my hand that was grounding me.
Waking in the middle of the night, screaming in pain, never feeling safe, sweat rolls down my face as I fall back into reality. I spend every moment at home feeling vulnerable and surrounded. It won’t let me go from its chokehold. These bandages and scars on my body are everlasting memories of battle.
As I sit by the windowsill, I peer through the window to notice the rain falling and hitting the window. The sun hides behind the clouds and doesn’t let a ray escape to show the street in front of the house. I’ve got a candle and a spoon and don’t want the happiness to fade away. No heavy weight on my chest that held me from taking a full breath. I realize, I need this.
Feeling lighter, I saw the battlefield again. I saw a leader giving up, and not fighting anymore. I saw how others turned to see their leader falling apart and they decided to give up. I saw how I failed those that I should have taken care of. I saw the mistakes I made that cost them their lives, while here I am.
As I fall back into reality and the weight comes down upon me, I stumble around and fall to the ground. Being unable to get up, I notice the hollowness, the emptiness, as my girlfriend packed up and left, possibly unable to bear the pain I brought to her after the war. Leaving an echo in the hallways left unheard.
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